Portia and Ellen on the Meaning of "Wife"

Cover Girl Ellen DeGeneres has it all. The award-winning, out talk show host celebrated her appearance alongside media legend Oprah on the cover of Oprah's O magazine this month by appearing on the Harpo queen's daytime show.

DeGeneres was joined by her wife, out actress Portia de Rossi, for the interview. The married couple expressed their doubtless devotion to one another, with DeGeneres saying she was certain she'd be with De Rossi “until the day I die.” The two gifted comedic actresses met and began dating in 2004. They were wed in a lavish, romantic ceremony in the summer of 2008, before voters passed Proposition 8, ending marriage equality in California.

Their marriage was celebrated with a popular People magazine cover spread.

An inspirational and trailblazing icon in the LGBT community, DeGeneres spoke about the great importance of having their union legally defined as a "marriage."

"The thing about being a gay couple is that in the past you referred to your wife and there was quotation marks around it. There was always that chance that people would kind of snicker about it," De Rossi said. "Now it's fact. It's law. She's my wife. I get to say that she's my wife, and that's just the way it is."

See a clip below of their first televised interview as wife and wife:

Tell us: What does marriage and calling your partner "husband" or "wife" mean to you?

Image courtesy of Getty

Comments

[Mickey]

I'd be willing to lay money down that Ellen WON'T be with Portia for the rest of her life.

She goes thru girlfriends like I go thru underwear...I'm just sayin'.

Plus she dumped Alexandra for Portia. Karma is waiting in the wings...

[chili]

Nobody stays with the same person for the rest of their lives. Saying it out loud on a syndicated television program only means you've got more to lose when it doesn't happen.

[bkr]

Of course people stay with the same person for the rest of their lives! That's a ridiculous statement. As for saying out loud and having more to lose that also is nonsense.

Micki, plenty of people date until they find "the one" (whatever that means) and are monogamous and committed (or happily not monogamous for some folks but still committed) to that person thereafter. It's not hard to see all through different societies... why is Ellen somehow different?

[Robin]

Those 1st 2 comments are obviously by people who haven't found their true mate. You know when you do. Every relationship has to fail until you find the right one, so pointing to past "failed" relationships as proof that this one won't last is just silly. Portia and Ellen seem very happy and committed to one another, and I wish them all the best.

By the way, I live in Malden, MA. I'm proud to say that the first same sex marriage in the country was performed here! Let's hope that all this back-stepping of states like Maine and Cal... is just the death rattle of an old, bigoted, closed-minded way of thinking.

Ellen and Portia on the Oprah show is a way to try and open the eyes of those less excepting people. Let's not digress into silly talk of who dumped whom and focus on more lofty goals.

Freedom & Equality for all!

[married, too]

I agree with them... it is different. My wife and I got married while it was legal in CA, and the ceremony meant a great deal more to us, and to our family, than I would have ever guessed.

I also agree with the previous comment that finding the right fit is the only thing that can erase that feeling that lasting love doesn't exist. Not that people don't stray or die or change, but when it is right it is right and you realize how much time you've spent trying to make what is almost right or partly right or a little bit right work. Moving out of one of those relationships doesn't mean you are a flake. It means you have the ovaries to know it is time to move on.

I wish Ellen and Portia well. They are a beautiful, articulate, and high-profile face for gay marriage in the media and I'm proud to have them on our team. One appearance like that on Oprah does more for moving straight hearts and minds toward equality than 100 political campaigns.

[Bren]

From watching the show i think Ellen and Portia have deep feelings for each other and will go far with this marriage.and the way they look at each other is so blessing, i'v been with my wife 8 yrs n still very much in love with her as the first day i layed eyes on her. Gay marriages will be passed soon in all states, just will take time and we have to all stick together. Thank You.

[It's Just Me]

i have to agree with a couple of post.i have been with my lady for 19 years she was 18yrs and i 24yrs, ppl said it would never work out and i say when you find the love of your life you will know it. i live in georgia and of course same sex marriage will never happen here i could only hope and pray that 1 day i will get the chance to marry my special lady and call her my wife. i wish the best for ellen and portia and they are an inspiration to all the lesbian families that i know in ga. ...................GOOD LUCK ELLEN WE LOVE YA ..........

[Mickey]

...But then again, I also remember when Ellen and Anne were on Oprah and all that talk of being together for the rest of their lives...LOL!

[Lee Rowan]

Some people do stay together for a lifetime. I hope Portia and Ellen are one such couple.

As for the sad, petty folks who think it's necessary to jab at others... it won't really make your life any happier, will it?

My wife and I have been good friends for over 30 years, and partners for the last 10 of those. Our first wedding was a handfasting conducted by a Wiccan priestess; our Canadian marriage was performed by a UU minister. And yes, it's a little different when it's legal, but the truth is, it doesn't take a minister or a JP or whatever to marry you--you marry each other. For all important purposes, we were married from our first night together, and yes, this is for keeps.

[jo]

Yes I believe Ellen will be with Portia forever. They definitley are in love! If there for ever isn't ours, OH WELL! If they end, they will have had what everyone searches for; gay or straight!!

BUT WHY ARE WE AS A GAY COMMUNITY SO CRITICAL AND APATHETIC??? All we can do is comment on their love, give me a bereak!!!

We are missing the most important issue!! Yes, all you married gays that slid through the legal time frame, I am happy for you. However, the fact remains that it is now not legal for us to marry. Even if it remained legal in California it is the Federal laws that we are deprived of!!!
Insurance, inheritance, and joint federal tax returns!! These are the real issues. I don't care if it is called marriage, carriage or civil what evers, we need to FIGHT for equal rights!

Thank god for Ellen, putting a face to our cause!!! But where is every one else? I don't care if marriage is between whoever, I just want the same rights!!!!!!!

[faye marie]

if some one love each orther does mattle what gender there are if you gay or lasben or transgender why we can t have sane sex marage

[dee samuels]

Hi I am married to my wife for over 2 years, hoping it would be forever, but we have many issues and they are hurting us, I love calling her my wife, but she isn't in the eyes of the state we live in, and that is sad.

[dee samuels]

Forgot to say You go girl Ellen and Portia the best of everything for now and ever....

[Vallin]

WIFE=ball & chain cock-block lockdown for eternity
HUSBAND=dumber-assed version of above

[Kristi]

Look I understand that Ellen has had many a girlfriend, but I think her and Portia are the real deal. I know that my girlfriend and I love her and would love to get married one day, but we live in Texas and there is no way in H*** we will ever get that right, but my love for her is like we are married and she isn't a ball&chain cock-block lockdown for eternity, she is my perfect angel and I love her.

[Frank]

My husband and I have been together for almost 31 years now. We were legally married in Canada in 2005, so yes, he is now my husband. Despite some of the comments above, I know we will be together for the rest of our lives. Unfortunately (or fortunately, maybe) we had to move out of California in 2006 and moved to a state that is horribly homophobic so, even though we have been together for 31 years and legally married for 5, here at home we are legally strangers and have absolutely no rights as a couple. This is one of the reasons we need to repeal DOMA and have a national law allowing couples to marry. I pay into Social Security yet my husband will not be able to collect MY hard-earned money when I die. How is that right? Why should that be legal? Why should someone else have the right to tell ME how to live MY life?

In 2003 the U.S. Supreme court threw out all the sodomy laws in this country. They were not a bunch of "activist judges"--a favorite phrase of conservatives when judges disagree with their narrow view of life...they were justices mostly appointed by Reagan, Bush & dubya. Therefore, I cannot understand how it can be legal or moral even, to put the civil rights of law-abiding, tax-paying American citizens up for a vote. It certainly isn't "the American way". It is just so wrong on so many levels.

My husband IS my husband. Partner sounds "businesslike", lover just sounds wrong. Whether those right wing nuts like it or not, he IS my husband and I am his.

[melinda]

i just wish i could find someone to call my husband?there is no one out there for me. i want to wish them the best in live. i love the show.

[Christina Horrell]

I am so happy for Ellen and Portia! They are so happy and the only people who can't accept that and deal with it are the unhappy ones themselves. I met the girl and love of my life when I was 16, she was out but I got a lot of pressure from family and the boyfriend I had at the time and had to let her go. But I never stopped loving her, I went through a decade of men, even married 2 to try and move on, but she was still in my heart and when i saw her on Myspace last year, my heart did flip flops. The first night we hung out, I knew I could never let her go again. That was last August and I had to fight for her but she is all mine now!! She is my perfect Angel and I would be proud to call her my wife some day!

[Kelly]

Ellen and Portia are an adorable couple. They seem to have gotten married because they truly love each other, and that's all that matters. Though I am not currently married I do agree with Ellen's statement from what I've seen in other SOLID marriages that it should feel different...that solid anchor feeling of being truly home. As a gay woman living in Iowa, where it is currently legal for homosexual couples to marry, I hope everyone will eventually have the right to get married. I realize it's a huge goal but i think it's possible if we keep fighting for it.

[Marc]

Nineteen responses and only one that can be positively identified as from a male. Most of these comments are "well-wishing" Ellen and Portia, not what the commenter thinks about the term "wife" or "husband." I was hoping to read some thoughts on, for example, whether a male couple regards one of the two as "wife" and the other as "husband." That seems to be the question most straight men ask - "which one is the wife?" Do most couples think of themselves as one male and one female, or two females, or two males?

Discuss THAT!

[cricri]

I would understand why Ellen decided to break up with Alex. She didnt seem to be in love with her even though Alex did and she only wanted to find her true "Love" which Ellen thinks it is Portia. But Portia is another story...she finds the most famous lesbian in the world (like she said it on the interview) and marries her. Is it love? Probably not...marriage was created by man kind and we know that at the end it really doesnt make us happy. We are with the same person even if we dont love them anymore, they cheat, and at the end you are with them just cuz you are married to them...how sad!

[LisaMarie]

Ellen was one of the first actresses to come out and with that it has helped open some people's eyes about us. It is hard to be gay in society so if Ellen can show the world that lesbians can be happy, married and normal I think it is great. I wish her and Porchia the best and want to thank her for showing the world we are human beings who have the same right to love like heterosexuals have.

[ToniDaTyga]

It is absolutely ridiculous how we as tax paying American citizens, we have less rights, priveleges, and protections than heterosexual illegal immigrants. This country is amazing...

[Afton]

LOVE IN ALL ITS FORMS IS BEAUTIFUL! LOVE IS A RISK WORTH TAKING.

[Lisa "Mo"]

First off, I have been with the same woman for 6 yrs 7 months now. We lived apart for 5 yr with at least 1700 miles between us for 3 of that. Then 3000 miles between us for the last 2 years before I moved to Idaho to be with her. I knew the day I meet her I would be with her for life. We had a ceremony on August 31,2008 to announce our love to one another. NO it is not legal here in Idaho. But we do not need a piece of paper to know we love each other and devote ourselves to each other. All our friends and families know that we are together. Even our bank knows we are together.

I applaud Ellen and Portia for saying they will be together for ever and until death. It just means they have a very strong relationship. Not many people today can say that, straight or gay. Things do happen, but if you set out thinking omg am I going to be with this person for ever. Then you are already on the way out. Keep your thoughts positive and great things can happen.

If more of the people in Entertainment would follow suit then maybe we would not have all these break-ups and divorces. When you say you love someone then keep that in your head at all times. Even when you have fights, or no matter the case. Everyone has the hold of their own life and destiny.

[V. Rice]

Hello I am glad for anyone that finds the one that they want to be with for that life time I now Know that I want a LONG LIFE TIME.. because life times vary for many reason. I dated my girlfriend for almost 2 years off and on.. and one day we stoped bought rings and got married in the parking lot of the store.. we said for ever and alway.. well we are no longer together.. and for Miss My wife.. I just now took off my wedding band 3 weeks ago.. and stated to date someone else. then this saturday my (so hard to call her my x wife)x wife shows up to spend the weekend with me.Bringing OUR Granddaughter. We are still greatly close But I am the type.I am devoted to who I am dating. Me and my x wife are just friends and maybe some where down the road we may get re married. I know she was my "One True Love" we had it all, the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.. and maybe it will come again.. not that I am going into this relationship with a deadline as I am not... I Still want to love and be in love with my woman and make her my wife and if this is the second chance in my life I am here to go all the way for it...Love is Love and we have the right to love who are hearts chooses,,, not what gender the Law thinks we should marry..
Don't they know how many couples raise their children and do all that is required by any standards and any Law to give their family a home of love and support.. it's done all the time just no one knows it.. we have the right we are human! first and formost.. The Gender of who we love is and should not be the states business. Their job is to honor it and give what is rightful ours as COUPLES not Gay or Lesbian but at HUMANS.
Sorry I got carried away...